So, my Zombie-ness continues.

I still keep getting up in the night and doing weird stuff before waking and realising that I’m being daft again, and get back into bed.

It’s bad enough that I’m doing this, but I’m getting more and more shattered each time, as I’m having broken sleep each night.

At work, I feel like I’ve done a whole day’s work and the time is only 10am!

Claire’s sure that I’ve got some underlying ‘issue’ that is causing all of this – maybe I do, but I’m not worried about anything nor panicking about Jack’s welfare. As I said before, if I really thought there was something wrong, then Claire would be a little more concerned than she appears in the night; as in, she’s not!

And what is it about Jack and these chuffin’ pillow cases then, eh? I keep dreaming that Jack is not only asleep in our bed, but inside a pillow case too… For a start, Jack has never slept in our bed, with or without us. And for why he’d be inside a pillow case, I have no idea. I even woke myself up when I was ripping the pillow case to get to him. Absolutely no idea.

I’m not overly bothered by the fact that I am having these dreams, but feel bad for disturbing Claire in the night.

Zombie Brett strikes again. And again, and again…

I know I have mentioned this whole zombie sleep-walking thing before, but it hasn’t really stopped. I’m sure that Claire thinks I’ve lost the plot entirely, but other than being annoyed at myself for doing it, I can’t really do much about it. Sometimes it’s funny, especially in the morning telling Claire about what I’ve been up to!

As I said before, I used to do this sleep-walking thing when I was at university and came home for the weekend. But since Jack’s came along, I have started to do it again, I thought because of the lack of sleep I was getting. I thought when he went into his own room, I’d be ok again, as I’d be getting more sleep… yeah, right.

What I do, is that I get up in the night and begin hunting around for Jack. Then, when I start to worry about him not being there, I wake up and realise that I'm being a dope and simply get back in bed and I fall asleep straight away.

Last night in particular, I got up around 3ish and was looking on top of the bed for Jack. I mean, actively hunting around for him, lifting folds of the duvet, sliding the doors to the wardrobe open and everything. In the past, I have been known to look inside pillow cases, as this seems to be the most logical place for Claire to put Jack in the night, of course. I even thought in the night that Claire was looking for him too, and I thought I had found him and so I asked Claire if she wanted to take Jack. Saying something aloud, must have stirred me a little, and so if I dreamt that Jack was there, then he instantly disappeared, making me worry a bit more, hence waking me up properly. On waking myself up properly, I soon realise properly what I’m doing and just shrug it off and get in bed.

I think the other night, I even tore one of the pillow cases trying (whilst fast asleep) to find the baby.

Claire is of course, mostly oblivious to all of this. She sleeps through almost everything, and maybe it’s a good thing that she does, as I’d spoil her night’s sleep as well as mine!

Claire thinks I am worried about Jack, and this is causes me to have these dreams/nightmares/episodes. Maybe subconsciously I am, but I don’t think that I am particularly. Well, of course I’m worried about him and don’t want anything bad to happen to him as a whole, but I think that any parent will say that. I know that if Claire was worried about him, then I’d know about it, and I think that is what makes me realise in the night that it’s just me that wandering around again, as she’s fast asleep – if there was something to worry about, she’d be a touch more concerned.

Zombie-Brett

Jack and Claire are doing well. Jack seems to just sleep and poo all day, whilst Claire is running around the house when he’s asleep trying to do the jobs that she can’t do when he’s awake. Like eat and wash.

Jack is part of the furniture now it seems. It’s as though what we’re doing now is what we’ve been doing with him for ages now, and even the thought of looking down the line to only a couple of months seems like a lifetime away.

Anyway, this blog was originally supposed to be about me and my experiences of becoming a dad for the first time, so... what’s happening and where are we at?

I might have mentioned a little while ago that I am a really light sleeper. Something else I might have failed to mention, is that I can occasionally get a bit ‘zombie-like’ when I get too tired... no, really. When I was at University, I’d come home to visit my folks as well as come to get my washing done of course, and whilst at home and in my own bed, I’d ‘wake up’ in the night and not know where I was; the most rational decision at the time was to wander around the room feeling the walls looking for light switches that weren’t there, whilst stumbling over all sorts of things I wasn’t awake enough to see or to even remember that I had put there in the first place! I would soon wake up, realise what I was doing, where I was and get back into bed and drift off again. I would only do this because I was a little over-tired, as well as experiencing the confusion of waking up in a different place to normal. (Well, that’s my excuse!!)

Anyway, this wandering has returned of late. The other night, I sort-of woke up to find myself rocking a pillow that was holding in my arms, thinking it was Jack. But as I thought, but possibly dreamt, that I had woken up, I realised that that the baby wasn’t in my arms any longer... just a pillow! And then, imagine my shock and horror, as I am frantically looking for our newborn baby, to find Claire fast asleep in bed and not at all interested in my worry or her baby! But not long after that, I look across and can see Jack asleep in the crib to other side of the bed, and realise that he’s ok. Claire had woken up by then, to find me in cold-sweats, still holding a pillow under my arm and with a panic look on my face, and simply told me to get back in bed and to go to sleep. Dream/nightmare over.

So, why am I feeling tired and looking a bit more rough than normal...? No idea, but I fully blame Jack!!

Midnight Feeds

It’s happened. For those of you who joked about me blogging about the middle of the night feeds, etc, well... this one is for you.

Last night, by my standards, was a bad night’s sleep for me, although Claire still reminds me that bearing in mind we have a week-old baby, last night wasn’t too bad at all!

I got up with Jack at silly-o’clock in the morning, to change his nappy and feed him. Fine – no problems there. It was the gallons of sick that erupted from my little son’s gut that got me. All over him, his bib, me, the chair, the floor and I wouldn’t be surprised if I found some on the opposing wall. Being the ever so caring husband too, I thought that Claire would like to join me in this lovely and memorable moment, but more importantly, she was my only option and so was call out for help, waking Claire to come to my rescue (bearing in mind, at this point I was hold Jack with my left, and supporting a sick-filled bib with the right). Claire wanders in, only just awake, armed with tissues ready to save me and the child. She wipes up, cleans up and then vanishes off back to bed in a flash. Saved. Feel rough as hell now though. Look quite rough too.

Other than that, I haven’t had a big throw-up session with Jack. He’s been ok so far, but I just thought it was funny to mention it.

I’m still in that state of worry that there’s a real-life baby in the house, let alone sharing the same room as us. Not so much during the day, more when I wake in the night, as I always look over to see if he’s ok and if he’s still moving and breathing etc. I can see him from my side of the bed, as we’ve got the nightlight from the nursery in our room on constantly. It’s supposed to be a light to drift off to, but you could quite happily perform major surgery under the light that it emits!

I’m hoping that this constant waking and checking routine will fade away in time. Not saying that I don’t want to know if he’s ok, but more that I’ll learn to trust that he can sleep well and that if he wasn’t sleeping well, we’d still know about it.

Also, we’ve created and ordered the birth announcement cards yesterday from a site called PhotoBox.co.uk, not forgetting to go through Quidco first, of course. Basically, the PhotoBox website has an online [Flash-based] version of Microsoft Publisher, allowing you to select and create the card or other item of your choice, and personalise them using your own photos, messages, etc. When you are done, simply pay for it and wait for the postie to deliver. They should be here soon, so posting these will give us something to do when we’re waiting for Jack to wake in the middle of the day.

The First Night

When I said that I was expecting it to get worse, well, I think that happened last night!

No problems or anything, but both Claire and I have been the ‘wandering zombie’ in the middle of the night... Head Chef Claire was busy preparing the gourmet meals for our son for the course of the night (i.e. milk production and storage) and I fed Jack twice; once at 01:15 and the other at 05:15. On both occasions, he was much easier to handle and deal with than I had imagined it would be, as I think I had a picture in my head of him screaming all the way downstairs and not stopping until I had fed him, changed his nappy and got him back in bed. But in fact, he stopped crying as soon as he was picked him up and didn’t cry any more after that, which was good, and didn't put up a fight about his nappy either, which was even better.

During the night, it was really strange having a baby in the room, as I was conscious all night that he was there, and kept looking over each time I stirred in the night, being a really light sleeper myself. He had a mini nose-whistle going on too – you know, the one where your partner is completely unaware as they sleep that each time they exhale through their nose, a single toned whistle is made. Normally, I’d [softly] nudge Claire or turn over myself, which causes her to stop doing it without needing to actually wake her. (I haven’t yet needed to use the last-resort tactic of attempting subconscious surgery on her nose to stop the whistling.) But with Jack, it didn’t seem to matter too much - and I certainly didn’t contemplate wedging my comparatively huge finger up his hooter to pick out baby-sized chunks of dried bogies to stop it!! (Maybe one day...)

Last night, we made the decision not to sneak around and whisper while Jack was asleep, as this would mean that he’d only sleep in the quiet and the slightest noise or disturbance would wake him later on.

Quite a few years ago, we went to visit our friends' and see their new baby girl, and when we got there, she was asleep... in the living room, to the side of the telly... which was on! But they said exactly the same thing about the noises and sleeping, etc., which might sound more than obvious to anyone who has had children, or very small brothers or sisters, but as the profile about me says on the blog site, I have had zero experience of children up until last week. So, not knowing you could do this, and then seeing a baby in a crib near the telly in a room with all of the lights on, with people talking at normal volume and doing normal stuff, seemed... weird – until I asked and they explained. And then it was fine.

This morning, Claire got up to go and get more food ready for the new boss of the house, and I stayed in bed until just before 09:00, but sleepyhead Jack stayed there until about 09:30! Lazy ol’ boot. But even then, he’s woken up and had a look around and then dropped back off again, without making a noise or anything. Marvellous.

Apparently, we’ve got the community midwife coming out to visit us today. I’m not sure when, but it will be one of the midwives that Claire might have seen before she went into hospital, as now we’re back on their turf, it’s their role to ensure care after the birth.

But I’m certainly glad that they are both home – Claire said she’s had a fantastic night’s sleep, as trying to sleep in a ward of five beds, with four other mums and four new babies, each crying and screaming individually is bad enough, but when they all let rip together, it must be a nightmare!